Need help not judgement.?

My father was emotionally unavailable for as long as I can remember. And he used to hit me sometimes and threaten my mother growing up. My whole life I've had an attraction for much much older men and I have major father issues, obviously. Now I have my biggest issue. I'm engaged. He knows what happened. I nanny for a family. I ask you again not to judge. I'm young and the father is old but funny and nice and I've somehow devloped a stupid crush. ANd I know it's because of my issues that I'm covered head to toe with, what I don't knwo is how to make it go away. Him and his wife are still together. And I'm not acting on it - not even close. It's not like I'm in love with him or something crazy it's that I'm totally infatuated with the bonding experiences like working out together or running together - things I never did with my own dad. And I don't know what to do or who to talk to and I'd really appreciate some decent advice, please don't yell at me once again, I don't flirt - nothing.